Search & Reunion Guides

Comprehensive step-by-step guides to help you navigate your search for biological family, from gathering documents to making contact.

1

Getting Started

Begin your search by gathering all available information and preparing emotionally for the journey ahead.

  • Collect adoption papers and birth certificates
  • Document family stories and memories
  • Join support groups
  • Consider therapy or counseling
2

DNA Testing Strategy

Maximize your chances of finding matches by testing strategically and understanding your results.

  • Test with 2-3 major companies
  • Upload raw data to GEDmatch
  • Learn to read DNA match lists
  • Build genetic family trees
3

Contacting Matches

Approach DNA matches thoughtfully and respectfully to build connections and gather information.

  • Write clear, respectful messages
  • Be patient with responses
  • Share relevant information
  • Respect privacy and boundaries

Preparing for First Contact

What to Include in Your First Message

Your first message should be warm, clear, and respectful. Here's a template to help you get started:

"Hello [Name],

I noticed we share DNA according to [testing company]. I'm searching for my biological family as I was adopted in [location] in [year]. Our match suggests we may be [relationship estimate].

I would love to learn more about our potential connection. Would you be willing to share what you know about your family history?

I understand this may be unexpected, and I respect whatever level of contact you're comfortable with.

Thank you for considering my request."

Things to Avoid

  • Don't make assumptions about relationships
  • Avoid sharing too much personal trauma initially
  • Don't pressure for immediate responses
  • Refrain from making demands or accusations
  • Don't share the message publicly without permission

If They Don't Respond

Remember that not everyone checks their DNA account regularly. Wait at least 2-3 months before sending a gentle follow-up. Some people may need time to process, and some may choose not to engage - and that's their right. Focus on other matches who are more responsive.

Accessing Official Records

Types of Records to Request

Birth Records

Original birth certificate, hospital records, birth announcements

Adoption Records

Court documents, agency files, placement papers

Medical Records

Hospital files, maternal health records, pediatric records

Where to Start

  1. Contact the hospital where you were born for birth records and any available medical documentation
  2. Request court records from the jurisdiction where your adoption was finalized
  3. Contact adoption agencies that may have been involved in your placement
  4. Check national registries in both your birth country and country of adoption
  5. Work with local authorities who may have access to sealed or restricted documents

Taking Care of Yourself

Searching for biological family can be emotionally challenging. Here are ways to protect your mental health during the process:

✓ Build a support network

Connect with others who understand through support groups, online communities, and adoption search organizations.

✓ Set realistic expectations

Searches can take years. Prepare for various outcomes, including the possibility that some people may not want contact.

✓ Practice self-care

Take breaks when needed. The search will still be there when you're ready to continue. Your well-being comes first.

✓ Consider professional help

A therapist experienced in adoption issues can provide invaluable support during your search and reunion process.